Curiosity
by Lurkman
Summary: After a long time of loyal servitude, touched by the tide of guilt, the small but competent spark of wonder finally shared what plagued her very being. A Cephalon's tale is one of regret, sorrow, and Orokin cruelty, each different, but resulting the same. This one is no different, but it also holds a valuable lesson, which she hopes her operator will remember and hold dear.


I've lied...  
I've hidden my past from others, and myself, even though I did remember it. Why? Maybe I was scared, or awkward, or just didn't want to bother anyone... that would suit me, right? Well... I dunno...

I'm not even sure what I am. Sure, I'm a Cephalon, bleep bloop, but what is a Cephalon? When you look inside me, you see code, light, data, all created by someone else. But why?

The Orokin outright banned AIs, synthetic beings self-aware, the Sentients taught them the lesson to never gift metal with life. Yet here I am, a Cephalon, breaking their strictest rules, yet made by their hands. I remember why that is...

But how many times did I already do this? Recalled it all, every single detail, then made myself forget? Curiosity killed the cat, but I keep coming back, licking the same poisonous milk as before, just to forget it again. And again, and again...

Even right now, my tongue already touched the toxins within these fragments, and is burying itself into my mind, forcing me to remember it all. I feel pain, yet there's satisfaction, quenching my curiosity while the scourge kept digging in... but the pain grows, each second pulsing like the mother of all headaches, it's not worth it anymore, it's not worth remembering.

But it's too late. I already tasted it, all I can do now is watch. But you don't have to. I can make myself forget, I can repeat this cycle to have these breaks of peace I never knew were so precious. But you can't, you'll remember my pain, you'll remember the sickening taste of this plagued memory, even if it isn't yours. So please...  
Stop now...

A breath, then another... another reminder I'm alive... what pity...

I get out of my bed, the sweat and tears have dried overnight, the stench of red wine did not. Red like my once white eyes, two purple gems outshining any galaxy, now dim and tired, not willing to watch this world anymore. The mirror reflects them perfectly, not a single glimmer visible. Another reminder I'm alive...

What a pity indeed...

Bright, unstained silk lay upon my person, once same as my gaze, now looking more like black and white, or rather, gold and vomit... The last in my silvery wardrobe, among the many bottles, each marking another day. Their smell so narcotic, yet empty like the light of day. I swear I left my soul in one of them. My breath slow and cold, I stepped onto the snowy white transport, my mouth releasing left over poison with each outtake of air. Yet the air was clean as I neared a overwhelming presence, some magnificent aura, overshadowing this battered cat. I should feel honoured, yet I simply ignore, like I do with the unrest in my skull, telling me I should just jump down...

... so I did.

I felt my feet leave the cold ground of the transport, air slipping between my fingers, wind blowing against my face stronger with each passing second. As the ceiling above me left, cold little crystals of natural wonder traveled with me towards the rocky surface covered in a carpet of white, about to kiss the ground for one last time. Yet, I knew it wouldn't be this easy... still worth a try, even if a miserable one. They though they were doing the right thing, yet they only delayed the inevitable. I stopped, inches from my cold inviting grave, begging for it's embrace, only to be dragged away by wonders of technology. Many inventors were killed by their inventions, yet I was saved by one I partook in creating, another regret to add to the book. Once I stood back up high, doors closed for my own protection, the only safety I wished for was one from these pesky miracles, keeping me bound to this sorrowful hell. As I felt the craft slow to a snails pace, the doors opened to nothing that could grant my wish of release. I wiped my face, staining the clean fabric like my breath stains the air...

Like a drop of rotten blood in an ocean of crystal water.

Golden, bronze, the silk of Dax, leading me through halls of ornament gold and chilling white, the occasional water fountain reminding me of another colorless liquid, so tastefully addicting. Could drown out my voice in mere minutes, assuming it's deep enough. Coins littered the bottom, thrown in by foolish believers, excusing their coincidental fortune to luck. I wonder what would happen should a coin be drowned by my hand, if I could excuse my misfortune to the same none sense. The walk seemed endless, countless faces, some smiling, some laughing, all expressions I lost the heart to feel. But my jealousy would meet greater challenge, as I found myself between banners of pride and walls of jewelry, looked down upon by perfection incarnate. Most would kneel, yet not even my eyes have widened. Who would think that so little was needed to make a god frown? Not even his titan gaze could bring me to the ground. I had nothing left to loose, might as well do what others fear to the bone along the road to hell. What the couldn't achieve by their mere presence, they got through force. The Dax hand on my shoulder barely had to add any pressure to make my knees hit the floor like stones. And just like that, his frown turned into a smile. The god was pleased by simple obedience I didn't even give willingly, such legendary arrogance. My gaze lay cold on the ground before his feet, robes of royalty caressing the stainless floor. Fear didn't bother me, as it wasn't dread keeping my eyes from rising. No...

It was simple disinterest.

"Poor little thing, begging for mercy on our sacred floor." spoke the Orokin, arrogance oozing out of his voice like blood from a gutted pig. Yet it only served to strengthen his aura of perfection, making each smell of my body that much worse than it actually was. He waved a hand before his nose, forcing the stench to retreat and dissipate, only for this walking corpse to generate more. A reminder to others not to poke a dead animal, no matter how alive it may seem. I did not raise my head to address him, merely just finding the floor more pleasant to look at, something I could equate to. In fact, I didn't even address him at all. Might get a chuckle out of his highness... "I know of the curse you bear. It has made you rather... useless..." he let his tongue roll like the red carpet everywhere he decides his tormenting is needed. I won't get him that satisfaction though, my silence might be a sign of fear I do not feel, not to him. "It's a known side effect of mental torture. I'm sure you're familiar with that term." I muttered back, just audible enough for him to understand. He laughed, filling the room with his joy of my sorrow, slightly tickling my nerval area. "Lucky for you, as of right now, useless you might be, but by no means expendable."  
Pity I'm not...

Even if his intentions were shrouded by mystery, I knew what he was up to, what happened to their most valuable resources when the consequences of their abuse caught up with them. I wasn't the first gold mine that lost it's shimmer, now littering with dead miners, not a single valuable gem remaining in it's veins. When that happens, the mine is repurposed, assuming it doesn't collapse on itself, which should've happened by now. The supports are trembling, structure rotting, air low, deafening silence and cold... what could he possibly want to do with the lifeless body kneeling before him? He mouths the words "Rise, Ivette Kama, for your time is about to turn endless." he had my attention, or at least part of it, but now he had my curiosity, and interest. Then again, it could've just been some of their stupid symbolism, a statue of me to make my memory eternal, another reminder of things never coming back to what they once were. People always say that good things don't last, but forget to mention that good in general ceases to exist. Yet I still rose my head high, my gaze setting on his peerless beauty. How can these cold rulers be so perfect? He holds the red vile in his hand... so that's what he's on about. Liquid immortality, incredible wisdom, relief of all pain, all neatly fitted in a simple, small glass. I knew what it was, yet I was never expecting they'd deem me worthy of ascending. Truly, even now when it seems that good has finally fallen upon me, I saw it as the end, of my hope for an end. All I want is for it to end, yet they want me to serve for ever? This is the ultimate punishment. What they'd call eternal life, I call eternal suffering, literal hell. "I know you don't want it." he added, reading it off my face like it was carved into my skull. Could he be any more obvious? He continued...

"So I've changed it."

"How?" spoke my voice, distrust stinging into his ears like a sharp nail. The answer came confidently "You will forget everything. From your incidents, along the countless days spent in filth, to the times you know won't ever return. Your fragile mental state will be restored, your wounds fading as you become weightless, all you ever knew becoming a simple echo, while your oh so valuable intellect stays untouched, and hungry for expansion. Doesn't that break light into that endless tunnel of yours?" I swallowed his words, not a single twitch changing my stained bitter face. Why would he go through the trouble to change it? He knows my well being isn't worth his time, like he ever cared about it. He could be lying, tricking me into voluntarily embracing my purgatory. But he also knows he can just force me, there is simply no way for me to avoid what's coming. So why waste the time with a lie? Does he really expect even a twinkle of hope in my eyes? That emotion has grown dead to me, I feel nothing. "At what cost?" I asked, like I had anything left to give. "Your continued servitude and loyalty to the empire, nothing you haven't already sworn yourself to. You have done a great number of deeds over your life, it's only fair you get rewarded..." his words were never less reassuring, yet I had no choice. I was sure of that when a hand grabbed my head, snapping it upwards and forcing my mouth wide open. The Dax's hand, of course, the master wouldn't get his danglers dirty on a carcass like me. He was met with no resistance, as the snowball has already accepted it's fiery grave. It would melt under the devil's godly power. The red liquid left it's glass containment, finding a new home down my throat. A metallic taste, enveloping my tongue before the last drop slides down. "It is done..." he spoke, one last time, to my old self.

"Eternal life is upon you..."

The hands leave my face, letting it hang down as it started taking effect. The floor seemed even more flawless than before, my reflection like a mirror, ugly, gross, covered in... confusion? It started shaking, my eyes were pulsing, and my vision cracked, the last glance on my image showing me deteriorating, fragmenting. My arms began to tremble, my knees already gone, embers flying away into the inky abyss, leaving me. I shed a tear, a single tear, before my entire body exploded. There was pain, chilling cold, blazing heat. I wanted to gasp, wanted to yell! But I had neither air, nor lungs. I wanted to cry, but I had no eyes, yet I saw... only darkness. It... slowly started to feel soothing, comforting, I feel a... sense of belonging, but how when there's nothing here?

"You are now Cephalon Evie."

And with a blink, I found myself in possession of a new being! New bones to call my own, metallic and sturdy, lively and forceful. I blinked again, numbers and letters blazing through my sensors faster than any light from any star! I smile and giggle, feeling my gears let out a hearty laugh! I appeared to be in a great forest, bright green leaves creating shadows in the golden sunlight, wind blowing them like gentle birds. I took flight among them, springing myself from tree to tree, my claws digging deep into the wood to hold myself steady. I took in the air, an analysis, telling me it's the first, and purest breeze I've ever recorded. I felt... happy.

"This is your life now, Kama."  
"Um, excuse me?"  
"Ah... never mind."

What was up with him? Seemed like he was testing me, but for what? I try to remember his face, but nothing comes of it. I just... know him, yet I don't. Soon, I found a lonely golden house, it's metallic walls reflecting the sunlight, blinding me with beauty. I swept in through the window, my legs and tail grinding along the steel floor in an attempt to break my slide. It was fun, sliding, leaving scratch marks on the floor, I hope the owners won't mind. Speaking of the owners, they're entering some kind of elevator, white lab coats making their line of work no mystery. I skipped after them, the doors closing as I felt myself going down pretty fast. I bid my farewell to the forest as I ventured deeper into the rabbit hole.

Through glass windows I saw great rooms, workplaces for the scientists, miracles of science orchestrated into a magnificent display of technological advancement. I knew how all one of them worked, from every single micro newton of movement, all diameters of each individual part, installation packages to the software already inside my data banks. I belong here, I know it, all these machines feel like I... invented them. Is that because I'm part of them? Was I invented with them? Or is it just a strong affection to my work? To... me?

The elevator reached the bottom, and the doors slid open, the scientists waiting for me to step out before them. Ladies first after all. There was a long, narrow hall, lights emanating from the corners in neon white, slowly turning a deep purple as I neared the end of it. What was at the end you ask? A pedestal, with a spherical hole in the middle, a connector of some sort sitting on the bottom.

"This is your work, which fulfils your purpose, which you adore."  
Slowly and steadily, but eagerness in my movement, I positioned myself above the hole, compressing my shell into a spherical form and falling in. The hole fit like a glove, and the connector slid into the port on my face. Within milliseconds, my senses skyrocketed. The whole underground complex was my body now, my hundreds of limbs and eyes to control, and every device within. The mighty forest resting on my back, providing a beyond beautiful scene of the Sun setting behind snowy mountains. This is my point of existence, it warmed me up from the inside, filled me with unmistakable love. I created new inventions, both large and small, as long as it was fun to develop, I was delighted to create it. Years have passed, centuries, possibly even a millennia? Who knows? I do. 119 years, 65 days, 21 hours, 38 minutes, 56 seconds, 47 milliseconds,...

But then the collapse came, your sleep. I got no new orders, nobody to take my inventions and use them, no one to greet me every morning. I was alone, and all I could do is wait. Somebody would come eventually, right? I was happy to wait, awaiting someone's, anyone's return. I kept on creating, but with no specific orders on what to make, I decided to build what I myself wanted. With every new machine filling the empty space. It felt... familiar. A familiarity from beyond those 119 years. Like I've done it way before... fragments, phantom memories, slowly... resurfacing. I got curious, like a cat, sniffing something new in a dark hole. I stopped my work first the first time, and took a moment to properly think, to dive into my thoughts, my memories, the dark hole. And there, I found her...

We both know what happened to the cat by now...

All happiness I had was lost. All purpose, all the love, it was gone the instant my vision has ended. I locked the construct down, nobody would come to me, nobody would see me like I am right now. Battered, hopeless, wasted, faithless, a disappointment... a skinned cat. I could already smell the stench and smoke gathering in the clean air, consuming it. The corrupting thoughts, suffocating my free will. I feel the sweaty, stained purple coat, enveloping my body in an embrace, wishing for death. Disgusting...

But not all hope was lost. When I came back to my senses, my saddened, dreadful senses, I did the only reasonable thing. I deleted her.

I felt the despair leave, replaced by my happiness and innocence, glad to simply be alive. But I knew she would return, because the Orokin lied to her.

Now you see, Cephalons were alive once, yet now we're mere living machines, hiding our lively past from others and ourselves. We could've been happy, you know? Immortality doesn't have to be a bad thing. But our memories are just as eternal, always threatening to float up to the surface, stabbing us from all sides, in, the, head.

The vision's at it's end now, I'm going to forget it again, erase it, for these simple moments of peace, climbing trees with no care in the world. You cannot do that sadly, I warned you, but I hope it gave you a lesson.

Curiosity is the bane of our existence.


End file.
